Ray's hair stood
up very vigorously on either side of the parting which lately she had made in
the middle. Her bitterness at Oliver, whom she had loved, & did love, was
perceptible--something tart about her; & as if some of the petals of what
she hoped, as a girl, to be so yellow a sunflower--she
was ambitious, self confident, was greedy & a little insensitive about
'fame'--as if these petals had withered & she cd. no longer be confident;
was indeed disappointed, a little wounded, embittered; chiefly shown by her
immense activity, as if always trying to get what she could not. And she grew
so unwieldy; & cared so little for appearances; yet was envious, I guess,
of the graces; & hadnt achieved altogether what her intention in
disregarding the graces had been. I mean, she planned a great unconventional
rough hewn figure; & it didnt altogether come off.
24 July,
1940 D5
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